Feel No Pain

 Sometimes, and I mean only sometimes, I allow myself to feel the pain of the life I have left behind. Not only with the death of my husband., I allow myself to go back, far back to all that I have lost in my life and the pain, sorrow that goes along with it.

I think of all of the love I have had, I look around now to a somber space, filled with a fraction of response.  The life, love, animals, parents, family, friends, fun... have all moved on to other pastures or the other side. 

As I was reflecting, the feeling of loneliness, of course, followed. I was thrust back in to the decisions of my life and how pain was the reason I made so many choices that would protect me from pain. I did not want to allow too much into my life because I could not bear the pain of losing it.

So be it! We all have painful experiences, we all reflect on our lives and the loss we have endured. It's within all of us, that somber space has been felt by so many before me. My Mom, Aunts, Uncles, Dad, siblings, friends, everyone had or has it inside of them., it is those who embrace it, cry, get angry, relive pictures and recognize the loss, that become free of it.

        It's ok to feel it but be sure to release it.

And just like that, my pain subsides and I look at my parrot Jo Jo bird, give her a whistle and I am back in the reality of my somber life. Then suddenly!!, my deceased grandmother calls my name! Oh! did I forgot to mention, they never leave us, so feel no pain! But

 that's another story. To be continued...


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